SQUEE!

I got the job at the school I wanted!!!

Starting August 13th I will be back at home making 41k a year!

I am so excited!

So, plans:

1) I have to go down for a fingerprinting in the next two weeks
2) Quit my job here in my parent’s home town.
3) Move all my essentials into a suitcase or two.
4) Couch surf until September.
5) Rent an apartment for under 1k.
6) Hire a moving company to move my stuff.
7) Move in with Rachel
8) Prosper!

OH! Bonus! They are going to pay for me to get my Special Education endorsement!!!

Pay and fantastic benefits! I am on cloud-9 right now!

New

Today I start a new job. It’s working at a preschool teaching 3-4 year olds.  I don’t really /want/ to work there, but the pay is good and it is in my wheelhouse so I should be fine. It’s also close to my parent’s so it will do in the meantime.

I’m waiting on a phone call from a school for behavioral challenges back where I want to live. There’s also an autism instructor job I’m waiting for a call for.

Today starts my biggest loser challenge. I currently weigh 249 lbs. Every morning I walk a mile. Every evening I take a class at the gym. I’m eating 1219 calories a day. I’m looking to win this competition.

It’s a new month. New me…everything will be fine.

First paycheck goes to my debts. Second paycheck goes to new tires. Third paycheck…probably more debt. I have a lot of debt. But eventually I will start saving for the cruise…and professional movers. I am not moving my shit again.

By my calculations my first 2 paychecks (before tax) are $990. After tax should be $792. I’ll take $100 for gas, and other things. That leaves me with $692 to pay for utilities for the past, and if I need to pay for a professional cleaner for the old place. The next paycheck should be $1200. That will go to my debts I accumulated while living at the old place.  Then I will have another month of solid accumulation to pay for movers and have a deposit for the new house. Hopefully September is when I get to start another job in the old city. I’ll be making $35-40k a year. Well…9 months. That’s $3000+ a month. If I can live off $1500that means I’ll have enough saved for the cruise in 2 months.  That means by November I’ll have the money for the cruise. Except the school I want to work at starts August 13th. So I need to completely review my plans if I get this job…

Which I hope I do…

I just need to have the universe cut me a break…

Everything will be alright, though…Everything will be alright.

70000 Tons of Metal

A lot has happened since I last posted. I broke my leg. I had a break down. I moved in with my parents. I got a boyfriend. I got a job. I interviewed for others.

But I don’t really want to talk about all that. I want to talk about the cruise I’m going on in January. It’s called 70,000 Tons of Metal. It’s a themed cruise. It’s a metal music festival on the seas.

It’s going to cost a pretty penny. I’m estimating $2500 in total.
Cruise: $1500
Airfare: $200
Booze and souvenirs: $500
Misc Expences: $300

We are also doing a biggest looser contest. Whoever looses the most weight by the cruise wins. If I win he has to buy me an outfit of my choice. If he wins I have to wear an outfit of his choice.

His Choice:
Image result for asuka sundress

My Choice:
image 1https://www.etsy.com/listing/253781581/pirate-themed-skater-fit-and-flare-dress?ref=hp_rf-3

Additionally, I will be getting more Metal outfits because lets face it, I’m not the biggest metal-head.  My outfit style is more “nerd” than metal.

Aggretsuko Vacation Mode Rage T-Shirt
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RT7NKWQ/?coliid=I1GAY7X8VU8YDA&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
Unicorn Death Metal Rocker Go To Hell Shirt
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07KWBC7FG/?coliid=I2TJTSPN18US76&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=0

Dream Shirts Celine Dion Death Metal Funny T-Shirt, Men's Women's Tee (M - Male)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07KR2QWBJ/?coliid=I27BVHF9FFV1E3&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=0

Tengo Womens Ripped Hole Bandage Pants Denim Shorts(Black,XL)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071XXLLND/?coliid=IJHVAEDJXKB02&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

luvamia Women's Mid Rise Shorts Frayed Raw Hem Ripped Denim Jean Shorts Solid Black, Size XL

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F3Z6GV4/?coliid=I3SWSKZRM3FIPI&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=1

Women's J2 Love Faux Leather Shorts, Small, Black
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M5ESBAE/?coliid=I3TH2D9Y0KNO0A&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

Vetinee Women's Black Strappy Cutout Padded Two-Piece Bikini Set Swimsuit X-Large
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RDP71F5/?coliid=I1I8WMVCX9HS1C&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
ADOME Womens V-Neck Swim Cover up Swimwear Bikini Cover-up Beach Dress Black

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D74VSXT/?coliid=IP2QZT98HPEH1&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

Pengy Women's Sleeveless Dress Loose Plain Dresses Ladies Deep V Neck Long Maxi Casual Dress Black
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Q3XSVS5/?coliid=I3HS03KN1UOJ1A&colid=3MZILSZVV7NNB&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

Converse Unisex Chuck Taylor All Star Ox Low Top Black/white Sneakers - 5.5 Men 7.5 Women
https://www.amazon.com/Converse-Unisex-Chuck-Taylor-Sneakers/dp/B01GDH9DJC/ref=sr_1_3?crid=YO580RZ1CVHZ&keywords=black+chuck+taylors&qid=1561480335&s=apparel&sprefix=black+chuc%2Cfashion%2C135&sr=1-

I probably wont buy them all, as money is a thing I don’t readily have…but it’s a nice thought, right? the Aggretsuko shirt, and the swim suit are things I really want. I’ll probably also get the chucks.

At 27 weeks loosing 3 pounds a week I’ll lose about 80 lbs. I’ll need to exercise daily. Which is fine. I’ll get up early and hit the gym at 6 am, exercise for an hour, shower, and get to work by 8. Or maybe I’ll excersise an hour after work…who knows.

Diet troubles

I’m having some trouble keeping my diet under control. Food is one of my greatest joys in life. Doing without certain aspects of that is hard. I’m doing better, but I’m not at the level I need to be.

I’m drinking more water which curbs the hunger quite a bit, but not the need for my comfort flavors.

I love dairy. Make no mistake, I know it’s not a great food, but I still love it. When I’m depressed I’ll eat an entire pound of cheese. There’s a lot of depression in my life lately. I’m lonely. Cheese fills the void, well mostly.

But my life is turning around. I have a new job, a new roommate coming in. I’m going on adventures. I’m trying new things. Maybe I wonder need to fill the void quite so much.

As a side note, I have quit smoking ciggarettes. I tried one last night and I was so disgusted after one puff that I put it out. I wasn’t disgusted with myself, but with the ciggarette. It was so nasty. So I am completely off those.

The vape is doing me well. I’m down to 6% nicotine. I imagine it will be camping season when I’ve quit completely.

Vacation of my dreams

My dream vacation would be a year long. It would start in Iceland, move down to Ireland, Scotland, and England. It world move into France, Spain, the Czech republic, down to italy where I would board a meditaranian cruise. We would visit Morocco, Egypt, and Greece. From there we’d go over to India where we’d do a train tour across the country. I’d then go to Tibet, China, South Korea, and Japan. From there I’d fly to new Zealand and Australia.

I say we, because I’m not much into solo traveling. I’d have to go with a person or people. A group would be nicer, but less likely. But since this is my dream vacation I go with 6-8 people I know and love. People I know love travel as much as I do.

Iceland: hot pools, northern lights, glaciers, Asatru temples.

Ireland: castles, bountiful nature, fairy legends, druidism festivals

Scotland: Jacobite history, friends, beautiful scenery,

England: stone henge, Buckingham palace

France: wine and pastries, the catacombs

Spain: food and wine

Czech Republic: historical archives of family genealogy, that one castle.

Italy: Venice, food, and wine, romean history

Morocco: food, culture, tea

Egypt: the pyramids

Greece: beaches, food, women, historical temples

India: temples, food, culture, adventure, taj mahal, saris

Tibet: buddist temples

China: sweeping scenery, the great Wall, the forbidden city,

South Korea: nightlife, the hospital I was born in

Japan: weaboo craziness. Harajuku, Sakura matsuri, kimonos, geisha, hot springs, snow sports, museums, temples, castles

New Zealand: sweeping scenary, the Hobbit film location

Australia: beaches, snorkeling, extreme adventures.

Weird and wonky

Something happened the day before yesterday. Something private. And it’s left me feeling weird and wonky. I want to figure this out, but I need to do it on my own.

I also got a roommate settled for when Joe moves out. It’s a girl and an old friend. I’m nervous. I’m excited. I just want to figure it out.

I got a job too. It won’t start till February. It’s just subbing until I get the paperwork for my license in. Then I long term sub until the new school year. Then I become a full fledged teacher. Yey me!

Goal for the next week

I need a job. My job this next week, no matter how much I want to do otherwise, is to obtain that job. And I do want to do otherwise. I want to lounge about with my cats and moan about how aweful it is to be alone. So I’m going to start applying to anyone who will take me, even if it is a long commute.

Also, I need to clean my house. It’s become a outright sty.

I also need to swim daily.

I’d also like to practice guitar 10 minutes each day.

Also, I want to stay under 1500 calories.

The weather today

It was unseasonably warm today. Warm hoodie weather. It was beautiful! The sky was clear, and there was few clouds in the sky.

Global warming man. Seriously it’s worrying. I need to make steps to help the environment.

A lesson

The lesson I learned today, and the lesson I have to keep learning, is Joe doesn’t love me. Two shots of vodka and half a block of cheese later I still don’t get it. How in hell did I fuck up so bad.

Probably with cheese. And fat. And laziness. I hate myself…but that’s not the lesson.

The lesson is that I’m not worthy of Joe’s love. I can’t be worthy of Joe’s love. I need to change.

And the thing is I need to change for me not him. I want to change. I just hate myself too much. It’s a self perpetuating cycle.

So the lesson is I need to change for me. I can’t imagine me changing overnight, but I can try. So tomorrow is another day, and I can only try.

I have church tomorrow. We’re learning about scrying. It should be fun. I’ll eat right tomorrow…might even swim. I’ll go to church and try harder at changing my life, not for him…for me.

Dear future me…

Dear future me,

I hope you’re happy. I hope you have love and adventures. I hope you have everything I want.

I hope you learned from our pain. I hope you saw that broken girl and grew stronger for it.

I hope you don’t look down on me. Here I am a month out of a breakup and I’m a mess. I hate my life without him. Everything seems hollow. But not for you. You’ve grown stronger. You can stand on your own two feet. Please tell me it’s okay, that we’re okay.

I want to be okay. I want to be stronger. He’s gone. Is there anything worth living for? Please tell me we found a purpose.

Are we still empty trying to fill the void? Please tell me I have something to live for.

Please tell me I have adventures and grab life by the balls and kick it’s ass!!

Dear future me, please be in a better place. Please be whole.

Laura

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